My ability to feel empathy for all conscious creatures has certainly reached a new level these past few months.
Empathy
It started with animals excluding humans. One day I thought about the act of systematically killing and eating animals because they tasted good. Just like that. I hadn't seen any disgusting videos about farm animal abuse or anything. Just like that, I started thinking about it. I tried to justify my behaviour that it was okay to eat animals. I simply couldnt. There was no way I could justify our behaviour of eating meat. It was crystal clear. It was immoral, unjust to systematically kill conscious creatures and eat them. It is a moral imperative for every single one of us human beings to stop eating other conscious creatures.
My empathy bubble expanded from animals excluding humans to all conscious creatures, which included other humans, too. Now, I’m human, and naturally I think more highly of our fellow humans than I do about other animals. It’s interesting how empathy for other animals actually boosted my empathy for fellow humans. I thought about all the economically poor people who lived day to day unable to enjoy life. I thought about sick people all over the world who couldn't get medical aid. I thought about war and all it’s destruction. I thought about all the pain and suffering in this world. A long time ago I wouldn't have given these thoughts a second thought. “Oh, it’s just the way it is. Too bad. Boohoo. Get over it. Continue.” It’s different now. The frustration, anger, and guilt lingers. Like a small well with leftover water in it.
Guilt
You know what’s so disgusting about the situation? I know that in my head, humanity as a whole should be pushing for the protection of all living creatures on this planet. That everyone should stop eating meat. Including me. But I still fucking eat meat. It’s not that I like the taste. I don’t care much for the taste but I hate the fact that I eat meat. I don’t have that much power over my eating habits right now as I don’t make food for myself. This might be an excuse. I eat what’s on the table. But I hate it at the same time. I know I should proactively go out of my way to not eat meat. But I still don’t do that. I know it in my head but my actions don’t carry over. And that very situation provides me with this stab of guilt. I know in my head that I am guilty of my actions, but my body and habit of life doesn’t seem to give much of a shit.
Human suffering should be on everyone’s mind. All the time. At least, I think it should be. It should be constantly nagging on us. I look around the house I live in. I realize I live so lavishly compared to the people in real need. I have shit I don’t really need. I have the ability to enjoy pleasures that people in need really can’t fathom. And the thing is, I am content with that. At least, my living-habit and my body is content with it. My mind is not. My mind is not content. It is angry that my body and living-habit is content. It is frustrated. It feels guilt. And it boils underneath, writhing in wrath and disdain at myself and at the whole world.
Frustration
Everyone should be a ‘militant vegan’, whatever that means. Our actions shouldn't end at just-not-eating-meat-and-not-caring-if-everyone-else-eats-meat. Being a vegan shouldn’t be a fucking diet or a lifestyle that one chooses to follow. It should be the right thing to do whether you like it or not. Not a label for someone to put on their shirts. Every single human should be actively going against the systematic killing of conscious creatures. I am frustrated. Worried that our actions will merely end up being mere personal lifestyle choices. Not eating meat is not going to actually help the chicken lying dead on aisle 7. It’s still dead. And it still went through hell just to become our food. This shouldn't be the case. This is not how it’s suppose to be.
I am frustrated at my inability to get rid of human suffering. I am frustrated that some of us our content with our lives. Is it okay for me to be happy for my life? I can enjoy the sun. I can ride my bike. I live a comfortable life. Does that give me the right to be happy? Is it okay for me to be happy about myself? When there are millions and billions of people who need help and who are living in hell right fucking now. Should I be enjoying myself when there are people out there suffering? What does that make me? Does it make me selfish? Self centered? Should I snap out of my bubble and do something about the suffering of others? What the fuck do I do? How do I fix the world? I am bewildered. Frustrated. So small and unable. These giant systems we've built. These giant complex machines we've lodged ourselves into.
I feel like Robocop when he’s being given the entire crime database. He see’s all the crime going on. The things he needs to fix. His powerful sense of justice. A freight train of justice. He is driven. Ironwill. “I.MUST.DO.SOMETHING.” And yet he is powerless. Strapped to his prison. He feels frustrated and tortured. I can relate, at least a little bit, to what it must feel like.
TLDR
My ability to emphasize has grown very strong. My mind is militant vegan. My body and lifestyle is not. I am guilty about my actions. I am frustrated about this whole situation.I can’t stop thinking about human suffering. I feel guilty that there are times I am happy about my life when other people by the billions are suffering. I am frustrated at my inability to fix this situation. I feel like Robocop. A freight train of justice, that is at the moment, powerless.
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