Personal Identity

I've been pondering on my personal identity for the last few days. What is identity? What am I as an individual? How have my views and opinions been shaped? What is gender? What is sexuality? What do all these labels mean? Who should I be? Here are some of the things I've been thinking about.

Name

The name my parents have given me is 김세영, in written English it is Saeyoung Kim. My English name given to me by my parents is “David”, which I no longer use. I've called myself Rezz a couple of times when I’m on the internet, but it’s not a name I commonly use in everyday life. Nowadays, I refer to myself as Macx in real life, after a character from Charles Stross’s Accelerando.

I've become interested in the nature of names. What sort of impact can names have on me as an individual? What would it feel like to have a very unconventional name? Would it change the way I view myself? Would it change the way people view me? What if a man had the name of a woman? How would society view that?

I agree with FM-2030; conventional names come together with cultural baggage. Giving myself a new name would definitely change the way I view things. If it helps me take off my cultural glasses, then so be it, it will be a tremendously new experience for me, and truly a positive one I’m sure.

I just need to find a suitable unconventional name for me.

Cultural Baggage

I can see that most of my personality, most of my personal identity, the essence of what makes me, currently me, is mostly dictated and strongly influenced by my culture. I have no problem with that. I live in a society, with a culture, and it helps me interact with my environment. Without my cultural knowledge I would cease to be able to function in this world. I acknowledge the fact that my personality has to be influenced by my culture in some ways, and there is nothing wrong with that, I can see that.

However, It is not enough. I must go beyond my culture. I must bring down the boundaries that cultures have erected. These artificial, cultural boundaries are exactly what keep me from becoming more than what I currently am. These boundaries constrict us all, not just me, all of us. These boundaries stop me from seeing what something really is, it partially blinds me. It restricts me as an individual, conscience, sentient entity. It binds me, ties me down, and hushes me to sleep, telling me that something is not a problem.

The shedding of cultural baggage that is unproductive and useless to me from my identity; that is what I want to work on for now.

Sexuality, Sexual Preference

I've always assumed that I was heterosexual. That is no longer the case for now, as I think I identify more as an asexual. Sex does not interest me. I don’t necessarily hate it or dislike it or even want it. I am simply, not interested. Now this may be because of my virginity and I fully acknowledge that my stance on sexuality may change in the future. Perhaps I try sex and it turns out to be super awesome. I will no longer be asexual then. End of story.

Gender

First of all, I am biologically male, there is no denying that. I have a dick. My sex is male. We currently have two major slots in gender identity. They are male and female. I identify as none. I don’t want to. I don’t “feel” like a male, nor do I “feel” like a female, whatever the fuck that means. I didn't know this was an option until a few days ago. I always thought my gender was male. Now, it is no longer so. I identify as agender, also known as neutrois. By uncoupling myself from traditional binary gender roles and expectations, I am more free, at least on a personal level. I will do things, not because society and culture expect me to, but because I, as an individual want to.

Labels

After all of this thinking, I’d like to point out that, these are merely labels. That is all they are. Just labels. You find something that fits your description, you use it to your advantage. They are useful. That is all. They do not have any inherent meaning, and never should a label prevent you from fully expressing yourself. A label should not be able to keep you in check. A label should not act as a thought-police. They are merely devices to help you describe yourself, not cages to keep yourself chained to. Go and be free from all labels, you just have to be you, and that is all that is needed.