Phoenix Awakening Discontinued. New Blog.

I will be moving my entire operation from Phoenix Awakening to Titan Rising. I initially wanted to keep Titan Rising refined, nice and dandy, but I've found that this rule keeps me from writing anything so I'm going to scrap that rule and just go with whatever I want to.

The Fringe Frontier

People who remain rooted to an old and outdated world, who are too traditional to accept and move on to a new world; they bore us. They are uninteresting and we choose not to waste our time on them. It doesn’t mean we hate them, it just means they’re not interesting enough for the new world. We want to surround ourselves with entities willing to explore a radically different world. We want people who are willing to go to through the pitch black abyss and successfully emerge on the other side. We want people who enjoy being at the very forefront of technological and social progress. People who are petty and cannot see the big picture, who refuse to look beyond the veil, who chase the wheel round the block all day without question, people who love to live as you
are told, who like to assume things without much thinking, who live without question; we are not amused and we are not interested.

We will leave the old world behind. You can cling to it as much as you want, that is your choice. We will not care. But if you thought you could bring your bigotry and uselessness along with you to the new world, you thought wrong.

We seek entities with the drive and discipline to reach the end of the known horizon and to step beyond the void of the unknown. Entities that care little about tradition and rules, who strive for the extreme, who would like to live at the edge of the known, you are welcome to take the first step. Let’s see what the unknown has in store for us.

-The Collective

Higara Sinking

The collective is feeling a bit low these days. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that it's exam week. Are we stressed out? But there is nothing to be stressed out about! We're getting enough sleep, but we're constantly anxious, for no absolute reason! We are sinking. The ship is sinking. Slowly. We've been tracking our daily mood and the numbers seem to suggest that our daily mood factor isn't exactly doing too good.

So perhaps writing things down will help lighten this apparent burden.

We've incorporated additional words into our "name". Online we identify as Ashley Higara Macx. It just sounds nice. Actually, Higara and Macx have meaning. We've added Higara as part of our name to remind us that we will become a ship in the future. Homeworld anyone? Macx is from Charless Stross's Accelerando and it's to remind us about being an altruist and extropian.

We've grown tired of the society we find ourselves in. These traditions. Ultimately boring. These people. So predictable. So normal. These rules. So strict. These unseen customs. Never really meaningful. Merely blinding.

We wish to free ourselves from this society. To be free from this invisible cage. We wish to leave this world. To set out on a journey. Far far away. To find new things. Explore new worlds. To be free from old tradition. We wish to be part of a new era. Instead of becoming petrified along with the old.

Online, we are true to ourselves. Offline, we wear a mask. Perhaps out of fear. But we know no fear do we? Are we sure? Perhaps we're just a wimp. Perhaps we just don't care enough. But no, that would be too harsh on us. There is a problem. Something is not right with the collective. We are, sinking. We wouldn't go so far as to call it depression. No. Or is it? After all people with depression are known to deny it.

Whatever you think you've become
Don't worry bout it dear it's where you come from

-Becomes the Color, Emily Wells 

Whenever we hear these words, we are oddly at peace. Acceptance perhaps. But at the same time, it is pretty depressing. Acceptance that is. Pretty fucking depressing.

What Am I? What Are We?

We are each of us … a multitude.
-Carl Sagan

A quote by Carl Sagan that always had me wonder on the nature of identity. What is my identity? Who am I? What is this “I” I speak of? When I say “me”, what am I actually talking about? Should I be considered a single identity or a collective? Why should I care?

What would it feel like to identify as a collective? What would it feel like for me to be called “them”? What if there was no “me”? Only “we”. To think and talk in plural. How would it impact this entity? Would it increase our empathy?

I've decided to try identifying as a collective, a true multitude, not just on the cellular level, but on a psychological level. I will try and replace some of my vocabulary such as “me” and “I” with “us” and “we”. It will take some time to get used to it, but we’d like to try it out. Here are some ground rules;

1. Replace all singular pronouns with plurals. (added on 2014.09.27)

We've only come up with one ground rule for now, we’ll try to add more in the future if necessary.

There’s something else we’d like to add to this post. After having researched a little bit of non-monogamous relationship for a school project we got interested. We were never really interested in relationships. Monogamous relationships for life certainly didn't seem interesting. Too boring.

However, we thought, hmm, as long as the relationships weren't blockading our development perhaps being in one couldn't be too bad. Perhaps it could even be a good thing. So we've decided to take the plunge, with a slight twist. We will try out a non-monogamous relationship within our own collective. We will love our own members of this collective, trust them, learn with them, experience with them, forgive them when they make a mistake, help them in times of need. A self polygamous relationship? How brain frying. We love things like this.

Those Who Cling to Human Nature

If greed and envy is part of who we are, then let us fix what is fundamentally wrong with us. Let’s get rid of the aspects of ourselves that are damaging!

If anger, cruelty, fear, pain, indifference, and sorrow take us off our intended path then let’s do away with this unwanted nature of ours.

If it is human nature that holds us back from our true potential then let us get rid of this human nature you speak of. If the eradication of all unwanted human nature from humanity no longer makes us human than so be it. This is a great opportunity! We can be more than mere human.

Personal Identity

I've been pondering on my personal identity for the last few days. What is identity? What am I as an individual? How have my views and opinions been shaped? What is gender? What is sexuality? What do all these labels mean? Who should I be? Here are some of the things I've been thinking about.

Name

The name my parents have given me is 김세영, in written English it is Saeyoung Kim. My English name given to me by my parents is “David”, which I no longer use. I've called myself Rezz a couple of times when I’m on the internet, but it’s not a name I commonly use in everyday life. Nowadays, I refer to myself as Macx in real life, after a character from Charles Stross’s Accelerando.

I've become interested in the nature of names. What sort of impact can names have on me as an individual? What would it feel like to have a very unconventional name? Would it change the way I view myself? Would it change the way people view me? What if a man had the name of a woman? How would society view that?

I agree with FM-2030; conventional names come together with cultural baggage. Giving myself a new name would definitely change the way I view things. If it helps me take off my cultural glasses, then so be it, it will be a tremendously new experience for me, and truly a positive one I’m sure.

I just need to find a suitable unconventional name for me.

Cultural Baggage

I can see that most of my personality, most of my personal identity, the essence of what makes me, currently me, is mostly dictated and strongly influenced by my culture. I have no problem with that. I live in a society, with a culture, and it helps me interact with my environment. Without my cultural knowledge I would cease to be able to function in this world. I acknowledge the fact that my personality has to be influenced by my culture in some ways, and there is nothing wrong with that, I can see that.

However, It is not enough. I must go beyond my culture. I must bring down the boundaries that cultures have erected. These artificial, cultural boundaries are exactly what keep me from becoming more than what I currently am. These boundaries constrict us all, not just me, all of us. These boundaries stop me from seeing what something really is, it partially blinds me. It restricts me as an individual, conscience, sentient entity. It binds me, ties me down, and hushes me to sleep, telling me that something is not a problem.

The shedding of cultural baggage that is unproductive and useless to me from my identity; that is what I want to work on for now.

Sexuality, Sexual Preference

I've always assumed that I was heterosexual. That is no longer the case for now, as I think I identify more as an asexual. Sex does not interest me. I don’t necessarily hate it or dislike it or even want it. I am simply, not interested. Now this may be because of my virginity and I fully acknowledge that my stance on sexuality may change in the future. Perhaps I try sex and it turns out to be super awesome. I will no longer be asexual then. End of story.

Gender

First of all, I am biologically male, there is no denying that. I have a dick. My sex is male. We currently have two major slots in gender identity. They are male and female. I identify as none. I don’t want to. I don’t “feel” like a male, nor do I “feel” like a female, whatever the fuck that means. I didn't know this was an option until a few days ago. I always thought my gender was male. Now, it is no longer so. I identify as agender, also known as neutrois. By uncoupling myself from traditional binary gender roles and expectations, I am more free, at least on a personal level. I will do things, not because society and culture expect me to, but because I, as an individual want to.

Labels

After all of this thinking, I’d like to point out that, these are merely labels. That is all they are. Just labels. You find something that fits your description, you use it to your advantage. They are useful. That is all. They do not have any inherent meaning, and never should a label prevent you from fully expressing yourself. A label should not be able to keep you in check. A label should not act as a thought-police. They are merely devices to help you describe yourself, not cages to keep yourself chained to. Go and be free from all labels, you just have to be you, and that is all that is needed.

Empathy, Guilt, Frustration, Veganism, and Human Suffering

My ability to feel empathy for all conscious creatures has certainly reached a new level these past few months.

Empathy

It started with animals excluding humans. One day I thought about the act of systematically killing and eating animals because they tasted good. Just like that. I hadn't seen any disgusting videos about farm animal abuse or anything. Just like that, I started thinking about it. I tried to justify my behaviour that it was okay to eat animals. I simply couldnt. There was no way I could justify our behaviour of eating meat. It was crystal clear. It was immoral, unjust to systematically kill conscious creatures and eat them. It is a moral imperative for every single one of us human beings to stop eating other conscious creatures.

My empathy bubble expanded from animals excluding humans to all conscious creatures, which included other humans, too. Now, I’m human, and naturally I think more highly of our fellow humans than I do about other animals. It’s interesting how empathy for other animals actually boosted my empathy for fellow humans. I thought about all the economically poor people who lived day to day unable to enjoy life. I thought about sick people all over the world who couldn't get medical aid. I thought about war and all it’s destruction. I thought about all the pain and suffering in this world. A long time ago I wouldn't have given these thoughts a second thought. “Oh, it’s just the way it is. Too bad. Boohoo. Get over it. Continue.” It’s different now. The frustration, anger, and guilt lingers. Like a small well with leftover water in it. 

Guilt

You know what’s so disgusting about the situation? I know that in my head, humanity as a whole should be pushing for the protection of all living creatures on this planet. That everyone should stop eating meat. Including me. But I still fucking eat meat. It’s not that I like the taste. I don’t care much for the taste but I hate the fact that I eat meat. I don’t have that much power over my eating habits right now as I don’t make food for myself. This might be an excuse. I eat what’s on the table. But I hate it at the same time. I know I should proactively go out of my way to not eat meat. But I still don’t do that. I know it in my head but my actions don’t carry over. And that very situation provides me with this stab of guilt. I know in my head that I am guilty of my actions, but my body and habit of life doesn’t seem to give much of a shit. 

Human suffering should be on everyone’s mind. All the time. At least, I think it should be. It should be constantly nagging on us. I look around the house I live in. I realize I live so lavishly compared to the people in real need. I have shit I don’t really need. I have the ability to enjoy pleasures that people in need really can’t fathom. And the thing is, I am content with that. At least, my living-habit and my body is content with it. My mind is not. My mind is not content. It is angry that my body and living-habit is content. It is frustrated. It feels guilt. And it boils underneath, writhing in wrath and disdain at myself and at the whole world.

Frustration

Everyone should be a ‘militant vegan’, whatever that means. Our actions shouldn't end at just-not-eating-meat-and-not-caring-if-everyone-else-eats-meat. Being a vegan shouldn’t be a fucking diet or a lifestyle that one chooses to follow. It should be the right thing to do whether you like it or not. Not a label for someone to put on their shirts. Every single human should be actively going against the systematic killing of conscious creatures. I am frustrated. Worried that our actions will merely end up being mere personal lifestyle choices. Not eating meat is not going to actually help the chicken lying dead on aisle 7. It’s still dead. And it still went through hell just to become our food. This shouldn't be the case. This is not how it’s suppose to be.

I am frustrated at my inability to get rid of human suffering. I am frustrated that some of us our content with our lives. Is it okay for me to be happy for my life? I can enjoy the sun. I can ride my bike. I live a comfortable life. Does that give me the right to be happy? Is it okay for me to be happy about myself? When there are millions and billions of people who need help and who are living in hell right fucking now. Should I be enjoying myself when there are people out there suffering? What does that make me? Does it make me selfish? Self centered? Should I snap out of my bubble and do something about the suffering of others? What the fuck do I do? How do I fix the world? I am bewildered. Frustrated. So small and unable. These giant systems we've built. These giant complex machines we've lodged ourselves into. 

I feel like Robocop when he’s being given the entire crime database. He see’s all the crime going on. The things he needs to fix. His powerful sense of justice. A freight train of justice. He is driven. Ironwill. “I.MUST.DO.SOMETHING.” And yet he is powerless. Strapped to his prison. He feels frustrated and tortured. I can relate, at least a little bit, to what it must feel like.

TLDR

My ability to emphasize has grown very strong. My mind is militant vegan. My body and lifestyle is not. I am guilty about my actions. I am frustrated about this whole situation.I can’t stop thinking about human suffering. I feel guilty that there are times I am happy about my life when other people by the billions are suffering. I am frustrated at my inability to fix this situation. I feel like Robocop. A freight train of justice, that is at the moment, powerless.